To Say The Least…

There’s something in the air, that is quite different. A great deal has changed, and I don’t see many people noticing. Maybe it’s something that we choose not to notice, maybe it’s something that we are not meant to notice until we look back and nothing is the same.
I lost my job.

Flicking Fire Like Saltwater Into My Eyes.

It’s 9 30, and it feels like 12 30. I can hardly stay awake and I don’t know why. I left Dad’s house in a fluster once again this afternoon, trudging down the streets with my dorky red suitcase. And then a massive crack of thunder broke the silence and it began to rain on me. I am going to Sydney tomorrow, with my mother, my nan and my little brother, for the second time in the same week. Yesterday our marine science class went to the Imax Theatre and the Aquarium, which was quite the day of adventure. I don’t think anyone could possibly explain the manner of hyperactivity on mine and Kasia’s part, it’s just normal. It’s marine, we go on a billion excursions, what can you expect. But yesterday feels like so many years ago. So tomorrow we are catching a train down, and even though train trips are painful, it may give me some time just to think things through a bit. It’s the window seat, the window seat does it. The last time I was on a train was going down to Coaster. Prepare for nostalgia, kids.

Today was rather weird, although I will give it a shot at explaining it. It was the last day of term three, so at a guess, less than a quarter of the entire school were actually there. People turned up in knee high stripey socks with food for a picnic and enough early leave passes to cover everyone in Australia. I’m sorry, did I miss the knee high sock picnic early leaving announcement? On the whole, it impressed a fairly disconnected mood on today, to say the least. Instead of sitting with my normal group (only some of them came, anyway) the whole day it was kind of a half hearted meander between different groups, socialising with people here and there, not really making head nor tails of the situation. Marine Science put on a barbeque, for the seven or so people that actually turned up. Science saw no point, endless re-matches of naughts and crosses resulting in multiple wins to me, and numerous attempts to jump to the top of the whiteboard for the remaining glow in the dark planet. It will always be the last day of term, it will always be pointless.

On a different kind of note, we had Miss Howard for Food Technology for the last time today. We’ve had her for about two terms now and I must say, Loren and I have grown to like her much more than Mrs Fleming. I mean, Mrs Fleming can’t really match up to the youthful intern with a good dress sense and wonderful taste in music. Again, we had less than half of the class there so there wasn’t much point to cooking, although we did, and Keesh was our replacement Elli, taking care of everything but in the end, mangling the food with her hands for fun. Which, when you think about it, is exactly what Elli does. Anyway, Loren and I carried on doing nothing but talking exceptionally loudly and laughing, like usual. Until Taylah decided to get frustrated and start slapping people in a ‘flippin heck’ of an outrage. She can be quite hilarious whilst in a frustrated state. Well, farewell Miss Howard, I guess it’s back to withstanding a cold hearted lisp and the occasional evil eye. Ahh, bless teachers who are too cool to be teachers. They will do wonderous, majestic things.

The CAPA students at LHS are all invited to go and see Wicked the musical with the school. It’s a pity all of our group are music and/or drama and/or art students. Except for me and Kasia that is. Hell to the yeah..
P.s I hope you sense that sarcasm in those words.

Oh, and for Meg; I always secretly loved the hampster dance.
Abe was disappointed to find that Penny didn’t know where the teabags were.

I Told You How Long We’ve Got, All The Time In The World.

I have spent the last twenty minutes I’d say, channeling my thoughts into this blog. Nothing. I have things to say, only I can’t find the ways in which to say them. I wonder if I can shove it all into one paragraph. Say as much as I can, in as little as I can. Perhaps quick, exaggerated expressions would help you all get the point. Today, Ana found actual magic beans, on the premises of our school grounds, inside tiny bindi-like…things. Indeed they were the most magical things I have ever seen and we were instructed by Ana to throw them over our shoulder, all the while wishing for something great beyond us. One day, a ring of mutant bindi-like things will grow as tall as trees (hence the mutant part) and it will appear to everyone as some sort of weird cult. Although in reality we were just a bunch of ordinarys throwing magic beans over our shoulders. Next, I miss Coaster ever so badly. It was the greatest, most epic ten hours of my life and I will not cease to stop moping over the fact that it’s gone. I watched Gossip Girl last night, and liked it, henceforth I bring ultimate shame upon my whole family. Just recently, I watched the best video of Jake Gyllenhaal on youtube. Honestly, seeing him rip off a suit and just ‘conveniently’ have a sparkly dress on underneath and break out into a song from Dreamgirls is practically my ultimate ideal of a celebrity. I’m nervous, more nervous than I’ve ever been, and I can’t make an excuse to get myself out of it no matter how much my inner self is accustomed to doing. Well that pretty much sums it up, if you could decode those cryptic sentences then hats off to you my friend, hats off to you.

It Begins With C, And Ends With Oaster.

The things you’re prepared to do to see a band play live. Where do I start? I will begin with the mosh (= death) pit. Well, I can say that it started off tame, and safe. But we had not yet experienced the full adrenaline rush of the mosh pit. It really began to get vicious when people moved in for the kill at Children Collide. But, knowing our group who had been anticipating Coaster for months now, we were not about to give up our position of front and centre for a bunch of rowdy half-drunk older people. We almost died in that mosh pit. If you have never been in one, it is quite unexplainable. You’re sandwiched between a million strangers, shoulder to shoulder, neck-high in sweat, whereupon your personal space is beyond violated, screaming your lungs out and jumping up and down, which by the way, you don’t have to do much of because when the crowd jumps, you jump with them, you barely have to move. Every now and then you manage to get your hands up in the air to show your bravery, and that you’re alive. It’s so bad, but it’s so good. I will just leave it at the fact that Jenny and I went in and out of the Children Collide mosh pit about three times, not letting go of each other. It is very hard when you’re two short people in amongst a sea of giants. Next to come was British India, Grafton Primary, Van She – all of which were not too brutal, but were great all the same. Walking about in a crowd of 7000 in million degree heat only worsened by the infamous mosh pit, losing friends left right and centre, getting sunburn and battle wounds, and paying $5 for a single bottle of water. It really couldn’t have been better. Well as the sun began to set we got excited, or over-excited, rather, for Does It Offend You, Yeah? Again, we managed to snake our way into the front of the mosh pit by linking arms and charging into everyone. No one is polite in a mosh pit. It’s the only way to do it. In my opinion, this band was by far the best, I love them to pieces. Speaking of, I was so happy that I felt like I’d been drinking all afternoon, judging by the fact that I’d hug someone and tell them I loved them every ten minutes. In the Josh Thomas accent, of course. Bliss N Eso attracted a crowd of, well, I don’t know the number but I would estimate that everyone at the festival was there because no one was at the red or the blue stages. But truly, the best part of the mosh pit is not the disgusting sweat-sharing or water bottle snatching (once you overcome that part, you’re just loving it), nor was it the almost dying, or the legs aching, or the elbowing in the ribs, fighting for your position and your view, or losing your voice and becoming incapable of ever screaming again in your life. No, it is simply being there, in the element, watching your bands, and tilting your head back and looking up into the sky at all the hands waving about reaching for it, whilst being at the front of the mosh pit being less than five metres away from the stage. I nicked a poster at the end of the night, it says “Coaster makes me happy”, and that, it certainly does!

One more thing, that I can’t go without mentioning, is Ana singing to Always Where I Need To Be. Do do do do do do do do do do do *everyone stops chorus, queue Ana* Do do do… “What!? My version has an extra chorus!” Ahahaha.

Coaster, you’re a life saver, you’ve bonded us all!

Elope With Me Miss Private And We’ll Drink Ourselves Away.

I feel like a moron. I just walked various streets with a bright red suitcase, a school bag, and a pillow in hand. Guess everyone was a little less than bothered to bring me here to my mother’s house. Nevermind, I am here now, for the weekend. I really need it, I honestly have not spent the weekend at mum’s for ages, or at least it feels like it. My dad is being a real jerk about Coaster, to the extent you wouldn’t believe. We’ve all had our tickets for weeks, and suddenly he magically uncovers my plans on going to the music festival (mind you, I think Jade is behind it, the knieving woman). At this point in time, I am still allowed to go, but what time I actually return is becoming seemingly harder to justify. But hey, I have always fought on my own, my separated parents don’t realise it but they have just made me stronger. I just don’t know, don’t understand, can’t comprehend – how things can go from one end of the spectrum to another, in less than the time it takes to blink. I just don’t know how we can be heading in the right direction, and suddenly be so far away from where we wanted to be it is ridiculous. But we’ll all float on okay, or so I’m told.

I was in an extraordinary mood just one saturday night ago, when it felt like summer. Summer holds the best key memories. And, (Coaster business aside) I am in quite the happy mood right at this moment. I think I just ought to document this because Tenea always tells me that you have to remember the happy things. They pull you through. Although sometimes it’s rather like when you have those sudden epiphany’s, or sudden realisations/ideas as they are more commonly refered to, when you are just laying there in bed about to go to sleep, and you feel you must absolutely must write them down, and you do. Only when you awake, you read what you wrote, and more often than not you push it aside, because it was stupid after all. So it works quite similar to this – happy moments, are hard to recall. And on the rare occasion that you do recall them, they don’t seem as happy as you remember them to be.

On a slightly different note, do not let Kasia or myself catch buses. We are most likely inclined to catch them on the wrong side of the road. Right bus number.. wrong bus.

Tenea is coming over shortly, and you will find that we will be violently – not to mention attractively – moshing around the lounge room to various cd’s. Because as far as we are concerned, we can unleash all sadness, all anger, all doubt, when we do so, to the point where none of it matters anymore. And that, that is what matters.

I just want to show you all something Seb wrote me, and how – even when things aren’t going the right way – I am lucky.

I am so happy to have met you, let alone have you in my life. I’m glad I met you. Because I don’t know where I would be, and I’m happy that things have come this way.

One That Ends With An Epitaph.

Well, I give up. I have an empty fish tank. It sits there cold, and empty. The water does not ripple anymore, nor does it hold life. What once kept things going, things moving, things alive, now does not. There is a time for everything. I assumed I would get new fish as soon as the others passed, but for some strange reason, I feel I need to leave the tank empty, and solemn for a while. I thought, what would be the point of leaving an empty fish tank sitting heavy, collecting the dust around us, on my desk.. what would be the point of leaving it there? Well the point is, there isn’t any. Sometimes things happen, you do things, for no reason. On occasion, I walk past it and expect to see my three fish still swimming about, but they have gone elsewhere. Somewhere I can’t quite put my finger on, somewhere I can’t explain.

This was our stormy ending, water sank our boats. Shouldn’t we, oh shouldn’t we, throw our hopes into the ocean?

Whatever happened here. The onset of summer brings back the beach runs in the car with the windows wound down, spirits wound up. I only blinked once, and now it’s never more.

The Denial Twist.

Apparently if we keep making excuses then we must not really want what we were chasing. Hmm.

I have a boyfriend.

Summer is returning! Slightly, anyway. We’re back in shirts ‘n’ skirts for school, and the other day I was actually wearing thongs – in winter! Meg calls that beating the system. I think she is 100% right. Soon it will be Spring, which brings with it no more cold nights, no more gusty days whereupon you shouldn’t have bothered doing anything creative with your hair. It means happiness is on the way, and it means more dandelions. But most important of all, it means COASTER! *dances violently*

So the wedding was real classy, and nice. Noah’s On The Beach is a lovely venue, it overlooks the beach via solid glass walls from ceiling to floor. The beach actually looks better at night, it has an overly calming effect. Needless to say what great music came from the mystical “Majestic Mobile Music” booth. I kid you not, that is what it was called. Although a rather strange incident occurred at the very end thou shalt not address.

Two of my three fish died in two consecutive days. The first one didn’t even give me a chance to mourn! Before I knew it, the next one went. I am not the best fish keeper i’ll admit, but I honestly think there is an outbreak of something in my tank – a pandemic affecting my fish, perhaps? Anyway, I have a funny lurking feeling that the last fish is on it’s way out. It keeps “sleeping” at the bottom of the tank, and it has spazzes consisting of several backflips and darting when I turn on my bedroom light. It’s rather strange if you ask me.

Is it possible to become addicted to anything, anything at all? If that’s the case, I think I may possibly be addicted to Silversun, a cult kid’s tv show. Not really a cult, but it used to be. And iced coffee. Iced coffee is the bad part of this addiction I have going on. Caffeine is not the best stimulative material to be drinking everyday. :) But I think in my vast imagination that stretches further than the horizon does, we are all travelling to our own Silversun. To our own planets (see previous blog on planet-naming). Some people are just there for settling on the planet, and are in suspended animation. Some people are just there for the ride, and some are there to make life what it is.

Which brings me to the weatherman. The devious little weatherman that fits the description of a scruffy one whom doesn’t dress in the right attire: no tie, no collared shirt etc. And who doesn’t do his job! He is one of those mystical people who, when they are most needed, inconveniently run off for a holiday in Hawaii and turn their phone off to cease all communication with the outside world. According to Josh Pyke, the weatherman’s duty to fulfill is that of telling us to go back to bed when we awake because it’s a shame to go outside when the wind keeps howling now. You should all have scoffed – we need a replacement weatherman.

Just as a side note, ‘Yellow Submarine’ by The Beatles makes me so wonderfully happy. And how good is GO! ? The new channel on tv. It has such goodens, like The Jetsons!

So Many Foreign Roads.

It always seems as if we are too busy to do anything, yet we are really wasting all this time doing nothing. Where does all that time go. What about all the small things that we miss, the things that the brain sees but the mind is moving at too fast a pace to recognize.

This week has been a bit of a mix. I hadn’t realised I spent three days in a row with Tenea. Thursday was a flustery blur, after I rushed around at Garden City trying to fix a costume for Tenea and I, come Meg’s sixteenth which was fast approaching. We ended up not being able to buy anything Harry Potter related, which was disappointing. But instead decided to cover ourselves in glitter, stars, and silver ribbon whilst wrapping ourselves in foil. Yes, normal people do that. Then towards the afternoon and into the night I found myself a dress and heels to wear to my uncle’s wedding next weekend, which I have also decided to keep for the formal. Thou shalt not unveil the mystical description of which this dress goes by, for it is a secret. :)

Friday came and went, and not only did it bring me a new laptop courtesy of Seb, it brought much violent dancing in the lounge room on mine and Tenea’s part. Again, with the normal people thing, it doesn’t really work out for us. I like the way we are. Tenea being the forgetful soul she is did her best to forget her light saber AND clothes for Meg’s party, which made the afternoon following school an interesting rush to get home for an expected certain someone. Silversun was on tv that afternoon, and all of these cult kid show memories flooded us simultaneously as we laughed at our inner lame selves. Nevertheless, it was a good night.

Saturday we stayed in our pyjamas and watched musicals at 8.30am, an ungodly hour of the morning when you are supposed to be sleeping in on a weekend day. Musicals fix everything. Although the name of the musicals we watched shall also not be unveiled, *hides head*. That afternoon we took ourselves out to my aunty’s house where many a relative had gathered to celebrate the arrival of my baby cousin Grace Anne-Maree. We stumbled upon a movie on foxtel called Spiderwick Chronicles and spent the last few hours of daylight being dazzled by mystical creatures of the brownie and goblin kind. Gotta enjoy a bit of magic when you’ve only had five hours of sleep the previous night, it was quite hilarious yet humiliating at the same time. Combine that with classy party food all afternoon, and you have one hell of a good time. Saturday night however, we were so lifeless with no energy to the point where it wasn’t even funny. Although we got into the mood for Meg’s party and it turned out to be a blast, consisting of the five utmost necessities for a party – confetti, balloons, violent dancing, star-gazing, and chats around an open fire late at night. Not to mention the bucket of glitter we were showered in, and the foil that started to inflict lasserations. I think they were going to put us in the oven because we were covered in foil, and that’s what you do with things that are covered in foil and look like baked dinners. Life’s funny when you are a futuristic hologram. Tenea and I still tired as anything, were in our element just being laid back listening to a million simultaneous conversations and noticing a leaf that hung on to the pagola no matter how hard it was shaken up by passers by. Sometimes you have to notice the small things. Happy sixteenth Meg.

I have nothing good to say about Sunday, I worked, and I am wiping my hands clean of the awful day.

Until next time, fare the well.

‘Come Down Now’, They’ll Say.

Is there any point in looking back at our past? I assume there isn’t, but sometimes a little bit of nostalgia can clear the mind before we move ahead again.

I got a birthday card for a friend yesterday, and it was in the ‘humour’ section of the cards, but in all honesty I didn’t find myself laughing, it triggered sadness. It read:

“You may be older than you’ve ever been before, but you’re younger than you’ll ever be again.”

On the topic of birthday parties, Kasia’s was brilliant. Happy Sixteenth Birthday dearie! Thank god tegan still has all of her limbs in tact, Jenny is pretty vicious with the chocolate game. Then again, we all are. Just bumming round in the sun playing games and jumping on the trampoline (i better get one, and soon, or i’m going to cry) and heading off to Ele park to lay in the middle of the road discussing life on Such Great Heights, which by the way, seems like a good place to live, but every time you look, it’s further and further away. Meg’s lomo couldn’t be any sweeter, and the day could not have been any better :)

Having a separated family, I can’t say that I have collected as many favourable childhood memories as I think I should have. Although earlier today I was going through an old box of report cards, awards, and drawings from kindergarten through to year three, or thereabouts. I found a drawing of mine which had me in a laughing fit for quite a few minutes. It was a ‘witch’s brew’, and it went something like this:

A Witch’s Brew.

You need:

• 2 snaks
• 11 flys
• 3 warms
• 7 ded mise

What to do:

1. Put the thins in the pot
2. Stear the pot up
3. Und say the magic worde
4. It will abang into a cake
5. Eat a pese and you will chang into a buttufly.

Accompanied with a beautiful picture of a witch, my year one self could not be any..smarter.

Is it just me, or are things changing? I can’t say what exactly, but things are changing. The atmosphere seems different, we’re all growing older. And I find myself in the decision-making position. Which isn’t good, we all know how indecisive I tend to be. Perhaps some moving on does need to be done.

P.s Words cannot explain how excited I am for Coaster, and the learning of the shomp.

It’s Too Far Away For Me To Hold..

Last night, was possibly the best night in a long while. Maddie, Jenny and myself finally went and saw Haz Pott (disappointing ending) but nevertheless, a brilliant movie. Just like the other 5 :) So mum went to a relative’s farm for the night, and Maddie stayed at my house. Keep in mind – after this long story I tell you, we both had to work today.

Firstly, when Harry Potter was finished, we three were basically the only people left in the whole cinema complex. Nice, but creepy when you’re getting watched and are within a 15m radius of the creepiest guy on drugs that you have ever seen. We made a bolt for Woolworths, where we stocked ourselves with food :)

So anyway, after Jenny had courteously given us a lift home, I’ve been meaning to watch the stars all holidays, but never quite got around to it. So I decided it would be a good idea to fulfill this wish of mine. Except, Maddie added the fact that we should haul this single mattress to the Energy Australia carpark, where it would be much better to gaze upon the stars. Of course, us being the lovely Aquarian’s we are, did just that. I must say, carrying the mattress on our heads all the way to the carpark on a cold, eerie night, made me laugh so much. Just, two lunatics taking a midnight wander.

So we found a good spot, right smack bang in the middle of the carpark, put the mattress down and did what we intended. There was a massive bunch of clouds in the way, which pissed me off, but they moved. Began listening to Death Cab For Cutie’s ‘Summer Skin’ oh, about once or twice, and then what happened, was what we feared in the first place.

“If a bunch of rapists came out of nowhere, would you like, just run for your life and not even pick up the mattress? Yes!”

So yeah, a bunch of rapists/killers/god knows what else came out of nowhere, their voices scared the living daylights out of us. I turned to say to Maddie – “Did you hear that?!” only to find she’d already bolted for the road. I bolted after her, in ugg boots, cracking up laughing. Although, Maddie didn’t find it as funny as I did, she actually saw the potential danger in this situation. So we made it back to the house, out of breath and our ‘oh my god! rapists!’ strength all used up.

It took us half an hour to be able to work up the courage to return to the main street. Even then, Maddie wanted to appear inconspicuous, and apparently to do that, you have to act tough like a guy with a hoodie, and take a leak on someone’s nicely trimmed garden :S

We retrieved the mattress, safe, and brought it back to my driveway. Where it turns out, the view of the stars was a much better, much clearer one. We layed there for a good hour. We named stars, we played around with the idea of possible rapist-filled UFO’s. I quote – “You’re scared of rapists! What about UFO’s!”  We named planets, where people would live, and what they would be called. All the while, we saw seven shooting stars. Wished upon every single one of them.

Cassius – It’s always summer here, and as soon as you step out onto your front doorstep it’s beach. This is possible. All you eat here is fruche. No exceptions. Most people dream about living here, it’s the brightest star out. Mind you, I think it’s a planet.

Alfie – Uniquely Meg’s planet.

M79 – Micaela’s very anonymous trip to Vanuatu.

Ben – Strictly speaking, this planet has rings around it, like saturn. The only two people that live here are waving in a ‘why can’t you see me?’ manner. Can’t you see them?

Naive – This planet is so Kasia, in a – ‘we’re not implying that you actually are naive’ way :)

19-20-20 – Jenny, this is for you. No Maccas on 19-20-20, so you don’t have to hand in that nasty little resignation letter.

Vitriol – Please, come, you need anger management.

Quattro – This is where the whole of the universe dumps its rubbish. Ana obsessively rifles through it all to find whose-y-what’s-its to hang from her ceiling.

Such Great Heights – Especially given to Tenea, you belong on Such Great Heights.

So after a good hour of this, and our little midnight bolt, it was 3am. And i’d accomplished what I’d been waiting for for so long. We retreated inside to a lounge room of warmth, and slept away the five hours that were available. Woke up to a very depressing but sweet song, a pulled muscle in my back, and the loomy presence of work for both of us. I had to walk to work. I feared it would rain on me, and it did. On my way, I smiled at a few passers by, it truely amazes me how we can be so polite to complete strangers, yet be so rude to people we know. Nevermind, I survived work (after two energy drinks). Although, to top it off, I slammed my finger in the door.  Intense pain, still hurts like a motherbitch! And I never ever want to gumption anymore benches, or clean anymore glass doors again. All in all, an awkward, yet welcome, sense of relief has come over me. Hurrah!